My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

God’s principles work whether we believe them or not.

Don't you dare underestimate the power of your own instinct.

I was a little self-centered gutter punk in the early 1980s and all I wanted to do was diss everybody.

We always want to be going forward. It's scary to go back.

People do what they think works for them, but the sport is about instinct, movement, balance, power... it's too animalistic to get rigid about your training.

Please stop putting quotes from Nietzsche at the end of your emails. Five years ago you were laughing your guts out over American Pie 2. What — suddenly you’ve magically turned into Noam Chomsky?

I don't know why everyone is making dance movies. I auditioned for three dance movies in the past two months and for one of them I just couldn't do it.

His momma said, Donovan why are you, on the corner of linden and guy R. Brewer?

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.

When Job was prospering, he prayed. When he was suffering, he still prayed.