My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

To embrace the spirit of godliness is to embrace everything godliness stands for.

Don't just read words, ' he would tell her as he held up the latest story, 'devour them. Let the words create new worlds.

I don't really feel my poems are mine at all. I didn't create them out of nothing. I owe them to my relations with other people.

I'm most proud of the ambulance service. This is emergency work. Many times Edhi ambulances are the first to arrive and save people's lives. I'm very proud of this.

I dont think ignorance is a way that you gain distance on something.

Thus sharply did the terrified three learn the difference between an island of make-believe and the same island come true.

You should never, ever, let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You have a choice whether to meet others expectations of you, or strive to meet your own.

I knew the past wasn't real. It was only an idea, and the thing I'd wanted to touch, to brush against, the feeling I couldn't name - it just didn't exist. It was only an idea, too.

It's the teachers, they're the enemy. They get us to fight each other, to hate each other.