My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Those who make the worst use of their time most complain of its brevity.

I never like things that don't look nice. It's really that simple.

Rome didn't create an Empire by holding meetings - they did it by killing their enemies.

I'm proud of my roots. There are not many Asians in the music industry so it's important for me to tell people where I'm from.

Manchester United is stronger than anybody in the world.

There are places where it is easy to see, places of illumination, where one moves into illumined states of attention.

Osama Bin Laden is not going to come here and destroy America. Our education system is doing that just fine.

It's hard to have your parents not happy with you.

The facts will eventually test all our theories, and they form, after all, the only impartial jury to which we can appeal.

Hollywood, how can it hurt you when it looks so good?