My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

For all the compasses in the world, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure.

He was a giant who had caught a butterfly and knew he'd only kill it if he kept it but was so reluctant to let it go for its beauty made him something he wouldn't be without it: happy.

Contentment is the sibling of happiness

In the studio the director controls the actor's every move, every inflection, every expression.

I've done some things that I shouldn't have done but I know I'm not a bad person, and I know that I can become a better person... Only thing I can do is work at it.

Was there ever such thing as great Shakespeare? Only one must not say so! But what think you — what — was there not sad stuff?

It's a tough game, and you never want to take that aspect out of the game.

Golf is a game, and games are meant to be enjoyed.

When you lose, talk little. When you win, talk less.

If I suddenly disappear from the music world, you might see Hikaru Utada working as a helper at some inn in Atami.