My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Take my heart and squeeze it out over the face of Your Bride, the Church.

It's not that I wait for you.It's that my arms are doors I cannot close.

We will respond to the threat of climate change

Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's not the only Bush in freefall.

If you look at the way people behave at shows, icons are now musicians; they are the people that we worship.

One of the first things I did was interview the President of the United States. Some people work their whole lives and can't interview someone of that stature.

Throughout Finnegans Wake Joyce specifies the Tower of Babel as the tower of Sleep, that is, the tower of the witless assumption, or what Bacon calls the reign of the Idols.

Without justice, there can be no peace.

Be demanding of the world around you; be demanding first of all with yourselves. Be children of God; take pride in it!

One thing that annoys me is when you see women in these terrible and incredible situations with perfectly glossed lips. You're not going to look good in the apocalypse.