My style has been pretty much like a newspaper. It's got politics in it, it's got media, sports, family relations, you know, all the sections you would expect, and wonderful religion things.

A friend of mine said, no matter what I do I always look like an English teacher. She actually said, you still look like a Campbell's Soup kid.

Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.'

I'm really happy that I was raised Catholic because it's given me years of material.

When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off together we call it Congress.

I consider a CD or a comedy collection as a record of what I've been doing, and I try to wrap it up and start new material.

The Administration's policy on women is often hard to see because it is written in the font size of pharmaceutical ads.

Whenever a woman describes herself as a 'post-feminist' I picture women lashed to posts. Joan of Arc was an early post-feminist.

Teaching is performance art.

[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep.

So few people voted in the elections [of 1996] that the ones who did were called activists.

I clung to each word that fell from his lips like a spider to a web.

People who achieve the greatest success are the people who have the most fun getting there.

A butterfly has to be a caterpillar first

She's familiar. My only familiar thing in a world of inconsistency and confusion.

My philosophy is fundamentally sad, but I'm not a sad man, and I don't believe I sadden anyone else.

I'm easily distracted by other things in the world around me.

It is often difficult to admit that someone you love is not perfect, or to consider aspects of a person that are less than admirable.

Sometimes you have to be lucky, but I always say that to be lucky, you have to fight for it.

Balancing the budget is like going to heaven. Everybody wants to do it, but nobody wants to do what you have to do to get there.

The poets are nothing but interpreters of the gods, each one possessed by the divinity to whom he is in bondage.