My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Brave, impossible Alice. Stop being so sensible.

...for all men do their acts with a view to achieving something which is, in their view, a good.

I'm definitely really into rock music, and I feel like that is where my heart is.

Hollwood creates useful entertainment. There are millions of people on earth who need distraction and American cinema fulfills that function.

I'm always writing at night - things I would change, things I would do differently. When I write a note, it sticks in my head differently.

I think if I ever get satisfied, I’ll have to stop. It’s the frustration that drives you.

...when we are loving, we can't sin.

I will be developing artists for my new label. The rest is in God's Hands.

Is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?

I love eating meat, but I love our planet even more. So I will join this campaign and stop eating meat at least one day a week.