My weight is always perfect for my height - which varies.

In the future we'll all have 15 minutes of fame and 15 minutes of healthcare.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

Mercy, it's the revolution and I'm in my bathrobe!

We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Getting old in America ... best to do it somewhere else.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

Dogs are joiners; if they were guys, their idea of a good time would be to attend an Elks luncheon.

Leave it all in the Hands that were wounded for you

The life of your dreams begins with the unfolding of consciousness from within.

Jealous is just a wish that it was you doing that thing.

Whatever I engage in, I must push inordinately.

If I'm not writing songs about things I've actually been through, it ruins the idea of making music to me.

We need a tougher enforcement program and, most importantly, we need to fix the badly broken ethics system.

Locke contended that government originates out of the necessity for protecting property.

Affection is created by habit, community of interests, convenience and the desire of companionship. It is a comfort rather than an exhilaration.

Justification and regeneration are simultaneous. The pardoned sinner becomes a child of God in justification.

Timid salesmen have skinny kids.