My wife Staci made me go to a wedding last weekend...If it weren’t for her, I’d be happy.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

When you can't draw chameleons and you can't draw blenders, it's a bad idea to write strips where chameleons become blenders.

If somebody is not on the same page with me humor wise, I can't give them that.

I seem to be able to get away with pun strips if I add a panel at the end where I somehow indicate that I know it's a bad pun.

It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.

You can write a little and can draw a little, but there's necessarily a limitation on both in a comic strip, since it appears in such a tiny space.

Sticking to my schedule, Ive gotten over seven months ahead, which allowed me to write a Pearls Before Swine movie script for the big screen.

I was a lawyer for 10 years, and when youre in law, things really have to get done, or somebody sues you. Its a great trick.

Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)

If you put me in South Park, that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.

Until you eliminate your own fears, you will never know your capabilities.

You have to get along with people, but you also have to recognize that the strength of a team is different people with different perspectives and different personalities.

Darren Hardy proves with The Compound Effect that common sense-when applied-yields amazingly uncommon results. Follow these simple steps and become who you were meant to be!

I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

Don't probe darkness to understand light. Don't dwell on sickness to be healthy. Don't indulge in thoughts of lack to have supply.

I suppose every time [something bad happens], I have that instinct to make that joke that distracts.

So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!

Show business is one of those things that people can use to get themselves out of the lower rung of society.

The most baleful mischiefs may be expected from the unmanly conduct of not daring to face truth because it is unpleasing.

The gospel doesn't just free me from what people think of me, but also from what I think of me.