My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, "Dad Is Fat." And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of fifteen.

Everyone else reached the Shores of Sleep, but I remained oceans away.

He who conquers, endures.

Art is interested in life at the moment when the ray of power is passing through it.

It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half.

I like the music. I don't like the business. I get very tired of the travel and moving, constantly moving. But the hour-and-a-half that I'm making music, I'm one of the happiest people on earth.

The spirit of the age is not synonymous with what the public likes.

Take what you want, and pay for it.

I like a book better if I can't predict what's going to happen.

If I start thinking, 'Is this movie going to open? Is this movie going to do well?' I'm not focusing on the job. The job is to make a good movie.