My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It’s the tender understanding that we’re living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there’s quite a bit of wonder in that.

Storms don't come to teach us painful lessons, rather they were meant to wash us clean.

Work becomes worship when you dedicate it to God and perform it with an awareness of his presence.

I came to Ottawa with the firm belief that the only people in this country who should have guns are police officers and soldiers.

You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

[on Queen Mother] Our country is the richer for her life and the poorer at her death.

I've always been interested in the idea of the artificial landscape. Reforming the landscape. Architecture being a method of reforming the earth's surface.

All the cliches of glamorous sophistication have little appeal to me. Do I want to live the British version of 'Dynasty?' No thanks!

I registered Democrat because my parents did. They were, we were. There was no thinking behind it.

Our crime was that we were beginning to live a new and contagious life-style without official authorization.