My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.

So much good, so much evil. Just add water.

Find your path in life and travel on it.

The country has undergone a profound social upheaval, the greatest the proletariat has ever known.

(mother)" She used to tell me to get my nose out of my book and go get some fresh air.

Teachers are the most important individuals in our society - nothing is as powerful as the human touch in education.

It would be a poor thing to be an atom in a universe without physicists, and physicists are made of atoms. A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Poetry and I fit together. I can't imagine being without it... It is food and drink, it is all seasons, it is the stuff of all existence.

They did not know it was impossible so they did it

I used to sleep with my books in piles all over my bed and sometimes they were the only thing keeping me warm and always the only thing keeping me alive. Books are the best and worst defense.