My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I read differently now, more painstakingly, knowing I am probably revisiting the books I love for the last time. (245)

I speak English without an accent, and I speak Spanish without an accent. I really do have the best of both worlds.

Other vices make their own way; this makes way for all vices. He that is a drunkard is qualified for all vice.

Once you learn to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.

I won't blast people out of my way just because they're there' said Harry. 'That's Voldemort's job.

Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work.

Interacting with fans has become one of my favorite things.

True shamans live in a world that is alive with what is to rationalist sight unseen, a world pulsing with intelligence.

I am just at tragedy right now.

The fact is most of the things that people know about me are made up. My own life is backstage. So what you "know" about me is only what I allowed you to know about me.