My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

We've got a bond in common, you and I. We are both alone in the world.

We might be hollow, but we're brave

I am a hoarder of words, a giver of them, too

What-e're thou art, Act well thy part.

I am about as pro-Google a person as you're going to find in the media. I've had friends at all levels of the company since its founding, and still do now.

The more we all help each other, the more we all benefit. So go out there. Help others.

Justice is happiness according to virtue.

Investing and connecting are the key factors in turning any intention into reality.

Keep all ur troubles in ur own pocket. But, make sure that the pocket has a hole!

What is that unforgettable line?