My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Gone are the days when the old country doctor would drive out to your house and amputate your infected leg for a basket of goose eggs and a rhubarb pie.

Of the 50 largest companies in the United States, you are the only woman CEO. Why?

The hardest thing about going to college should not be paying for it.

Alekhine developed as a player much more slowly than most. In his twenties, he was an atrocious chessplayer, and didn't mature until he was well into his thirties.

When you think like a child your imagination is free and anything is possible.

Expect the worst, and you won't be disappointed.

I believe in North, South, East, West, The seasons, life and death, geography. That which is provable, absolute and most of all, functional. I believe in things that can kill me.

Not believing in something doesn't make it not exist.

Life is a constant struggle between being an individual and being a member of the community.

Control yourself and no one else. And you will see the Truth my brother.