My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Pride be damned, we do what must be done to survive.

There are times when you are home to yourself and you long for company.

Satan is both a fashion designer and an interior designer. He first appeals to the eye and then shouts, “Gotcha!” Then he goes to work on the “inside job.

Every time he saw her he realised the reason why they always said humans are made of stardust.

The first thing to improve society is not banning abortion, but making sure that everyone who had a child is in the best position to be able to rear it.

Live well - respire frequently.

The man at the center [Donald Trump], soon to be the world's most powerful, now shoulders the hopes and dreams of millions of Americans, the fear and anxiety of millions more.

Of course it was always a friendly debate though sometimes I got too loud.

Number one rule, attend to business

I want eternity. I was born for greater things.