My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

The Secret is - there really is no secret. Everything you need lies within yourself.

We emphasize straightforwardness. You should be true to your feelings, and to your mind, expressing yourself without any reservations. This helps the listener to understand more easily.

School was my solace, and studying let me escape, allowing me to live a thousand vicarious lives.

I have a problem to do a collection that is a secondary line. I mean, you don’t want to be the stepsister. You want to be Cinderella. Show me one girl who wants to be the stepsister.

Trust funds can never be a substitute for a fund of trust.

We have a president, who I think is a nice guy, but he spent too much time at Harvard, perhaps.

I love to go shopping and see what catches my eye.

Omens are the individual language in which God talks to you. My omens are not your omens.

Venice is all sea and sculpture.

A thousand kisses buys my heart from me; And pay them at thy leisure, one by one.