My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away as long as I'm not enjoying it.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

...if you're an actor, and you've thought your way into the part, then you're character portrayal will have authority...

There are too many questions and not enough painkillers in the world to get through them all.

France, after the month of May, will share trust with the current leadership of the United States which, on many subjects, has tended to take useful positions in our view.

If I am to be shot at, I want no man to be in the way of the bullet.

Mankind owns four things that are no good at sea: rudder, anchor, oars and the fear of going down.

Bright reds - scarlet, pillar-box red, crimson or cherry - are very cheerful and youthful. There is certainly a red for everyone.

All our anxieties relate to time.

God specializes in impossible situations.

I think girls are surprised when you actually really listen and then you call it back at the end of the night.

Since they came in with the selfie, it's the worst thing. You hardly ever get asked for autographs any more. It's always selfies.