My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

Let your heart shine even more than your face. The beautiful contents of your heart can never be forgotten, but your face will be a history.

There must be a sense of urgency before anything can ever happen.

If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!

It is now life and not art that requires the willing suspension of disbelief.

The problem with most genre fantasy is that it's not nearly fantastic enough. It's escapist, but it can't escape.

If there is only 24 hours to save the universe why are you talking to us?

Everyone wants a hug and kiss. It translates into any language.

Educate the heart. Let us have good men.

Usually I write about what I care about, which is a weakness but I think also a strength.

What I look for in any character, good or bad, is whether I can hear him speak. If I can imagine him that clearly, then I can write about him.