NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're changing Irving R. Levine's name to Scud Shrapnel.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Some of the greatest masterpieces of art are created against the odds of reality.from the book: stuff i think about

It was a sad loss, this illusion of importance, a humbling blow.

It may take months or years for a wish to come true, but it's far more likely to happen when you care so much about a wish that you'll do all you can to make it happen.

Generally, cars were not built to sit on dealer lots. It encourages the wrong kind of behavior in the whole system.

Look at the way you live. You've sold out. Next thing I know you'll become a Republican." She shook her head. "Where are the values I raised you with?

Up until the age of 16, I was very focused on sport - I played a lot of football. Then I tore my ACL and had to stop playing.

A lot of the ways that I like to approach comic books, or anything like that, is not just the book itself, but the fans of it, the readers, the world that exists around it as a cultural object.

Proverbial wisdom counsels against risk and change. But sitting ducks fare worst of all.

They did it for love, and sometimes love makes us do the irrational .. even the inexcusable.

If I win and play well, then the ranking will take care of itself. Defending points is really not a problem. Just go out and play and not worry about it.