NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Give today to get better tomorrow.

He’d lived in the desert all his life, and he loved it. He was its child. It was his home.

She was wrapped in my jacket, almost swallowed by it. You never realize how small a woman is until she wears your clothes.

As a dramatist, you're looking for points of friction.

But Basquiat is the first thing I've done that I'm really proud of.

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

I've only had one serious boyfriend, but we dated for three years.

I’m still afraid of being totally honest. I’m more afraid of this than dying.

Of course, the humans in Haiti have hope. They hope to leave.

Hollywood likes to put actors in boxes, and it likes to put Asian actors in really small boxes.