Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
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God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
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