Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.

In the modern food landscape, the Krafts, Monsantos, and Archer Daniels Midlands are standing in the way of food democracy.

I liked painting and drawing, and I liked humanities mainly - poetry, literature - this speculative attitude toward life.

The language of truth is unadorned and always simple.

I got a liberal education. A white guy, rapping as Bugs Bunny, on a quintuple-platinum album.

I don't want to sell other people trips! I want to be there!

You never know when it is your last game or your last tournament.

I always write with images. I cannot write a book if I don't have images.

God wants every local church to be the first place people think to go when they've really messed up...not the last.

I'm pretty normal looking.