Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Such is true joy’s absolute certainty, Its slow lit fuse that burns holesIn the shabby shroud of death forever.

I am writing something very simple that will change you and change the world.

Change the status quo or become it

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The chihuahua and the pink velour track suit. I think it's kind of an iconic look.

Once you have tasted conviction, you can’t bear to keep swallowing complacency.

You need a government that believes in government. It also believes in markets and wants to give markets the best, the greatest opportunity, but is trying to govern well.

The CIA's research program is described in a book called "The Search for the Manchurian Candidate."

Freddie Bryant is a brilliant young guitarist and composer.

I'm about fifty years behind as far as my preferences go and I must say that the poets who excite me most are the Americans. There are very few contemporary English poets that I admire.