Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose.

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn.

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French.

Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like 'Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in case you start to catch on.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter.

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.

Favorite color: I hate colors.

Forcing someone into drug addiction is like stabbing a corpse everyday, the most detestable crime.

To be alive to be able to see to walk ... it's all a miracle. I have adapted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle.

I look at each episode in two ways - from a design standpoint and from an entertainment standpoint - this is TV, after all. We usually succeed on at least one of the levels.

The most important innovation in medicine to come in the next 10 years: the power of the human hand.

Diana Ross is a big inspiration to all of us. We all grew up watching everything about her - her mike placement, her grace, her style and her class.

There exists no politician in India daring enough to attempt to explain to the masses that cows can be eaten.

Don't appear so scholarly, pray. Humanize your talk, and speak to be understood.

Perhaps there is a pattern set up in the heavens for one who desires to see it, and having seen it, to find one in himself.

What we do for a living does not matter as much as how we do it.

Once you try, golf is the hardest game you'll ever play.