Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Whether you are aware of it or not, your life is still disappearing. It’s pouring out, it keeps diminishing.

Be compassionate and kind to yourself and everyone around you.

Some people still believe you should just fall in line with what's going on - and that's scary. It makes a mockery of freedom of speech.

I'm very cautious about what appears to be things put in place that will begin to roll back some of the progress that I believe we've made.

My parents were big supporters of me going to college. It was the right thing for me to do. But it was the toughest decision I had to make.

I just love crafting and shaping sounds. Actually, many of the sounds that I work with start off as organic instruments - guitar, piano, clarinet, etc. But I do love the rigidity of electronic drums.

Scandal has made wine and popcorn seem like a viable, even healthful, meal.

If you are losing your leisure, look out! You are losing your soul.

I think the hardest part about Golf is being committed to your wife