Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

But a person can only keep reality - and anger - at bay for so long before the truth comes back again.

Draw a cart with horses, or push it down a hill...Both move the cart, aye?” -- Daerwin of Brannagh

It's almost like it's my alter ego when I get on stage... I turn into this different person, seriously. Bipolar disorder. I'm tired of everybody touching me and things being plugged into my head.

A person or a ruler who executes his plans (of public welfare) after due consideration, the prosperity stands with him for a longer period.

Obviously, I can't perform; admittedly, I'm terrible.

These families, you know, are our upper crust, not upper ten thousand.

We have seen that intellect and achievement are far from perfectly correlated.

Our culture's zeal for longevity reveals our incredible collective fear of death.

never trust a man who won't accept that there is more than one way to spell a word Paraphrased

Even the great can have only their own sort of greatness.