Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Tell me, if I take you to my room and put you in my bed, what do you think would happen?""I can draw you a diagram. Hint: I'm slot B, and you're tab A.

We have to get you a haircut sometime today. You're starting to look like a sulky rock star." "Well, I am a rock star, " he said, deadpan

For how can we adopt those things which we do not find in the holy Scriptures?

If you fall into water, you may still be saved. But if you fall down in literary matters, there is no life left for you.

We can no longer ignore the stupidity of the hits that are still happening today despite the fact that the players know the concussion aspect is such a big part of the game and sports in general.

Leave off looking to men to find out what you are not - seek within yourselves to find out what you are.

When you educate a girl, you kick-start a cycle of success. It makes economic sense. It makes social sense. It makes moral sense. But, it seems, it's not common sense yet.

Actresses generally arent allowed to have haircuts, because short hair isnt considered as versatile.

If people don't want to go to the picture, nobody can stop them.

People like us are afraid to leave ball. What else is there to do? When baseball has been your whole life, you can't think about a future without it, so you hang on as long as you can.