Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

If you say that you have never lied at all, then you give too much trust on anybody.

Before publishers' blurbs were invented, authors had to make their reputations by writing.

People lost the capacity of using their brain. It's all about the label. Not about the labels showing but subtlety of the labels.

I love a man who has lived a full life and lived on the edge.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

Where intention goes, energy flows.

Don't forget how you got here. Don't Forget.

Religion is nothing but a science to attain wisdom, understanding, to know what life is, and to live it in utter celebration.

It is only the fundamental conceptions of psychology which are of real value to a teacher.

I feel very peaceful.