Never knowingly be serious. Rule 27.

The Doctor: I've seen bigger. Clara: Really? The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive!

There's something really cool about scaring children. Traumatize a generation, that's what it's all about.

See the bowtie? I wear it and I don't care. That's why it's cool.

There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick.

I'll be a story in your head. But that's OK. We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? Because it was, you know; it was the best.

I can't see what's wrong about assuming intelligence in your audience and what's bad news about being rewarded for assuming that.

You don’t just give up. You don’t just let things happen. You make a stand! You say no! You have the guts to do what’s right, even when everyone else just runs away.

An awful lot of storytelling isn't really about making people understand - it's about making people care.

Demons run when a good man goes to war.

What's the point of being a grown-up if you don't get to be immature?

I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.

I'm afraid I haven't become a born-again Christian. I'm sort of 'Church of England, lapsed' is about as far as I go.

You should celebrate the end of a love affair as they celebrate death in New Orleans, with songs, laughter, dancing and a lot of wine.

When you understand dharma, when you see its perfect perfection, shining both in and beyond all things, you will be freed from all misunderstandings.

It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it.

If you don't try to win you might as well hold the Olympics in somebody's back yard.

I think so often, especially if the work is perceived of as being drawn from life, the woman, not her book, is reviewed.

The White House is the leakiest place I've ever been in. (On special measures to ensure secrecy of plans to bomb Libya)

My master's degree was in English literature.

When you're a celebrity, people think they know you, but they don't have a clue.