Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

He keeps getting older while I'm not paying attention.

Amish recognize each others' horse like we do our friends' car.

It is true that a mathematician who is not somewhat of a poet, will never be a perfect mathematician.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of family encouragement - not just for me, but for everyone.

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that

You are a human with one life and it is up to you to make it the best life you can.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

I'm a vegetarian. I believe that we're all equal. I ain't got no right to kill. Say a fly comes in my house, I tolerate that little a**hole.

Writers tell stories better, because they've had more practice, but everyone has a book in them. Yes, that old cliche.