Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Peace is a process - a way of solving problems.

We are born with the need for a leader, someone to control the conflict between each individual's need. An alpha in the house, an alpha at work, an alpha in the church and in the White House.

of seatbelts as an opportunity to take up drunk-driving.

It is only in the light of the inescapable fact of death that a person can adequately engage and enter upon the mysterious fact of life.

I was so enamored with the idea of being in show business so everything was bright to me. I mean, I didn't think of it as being tough and things like that.

Anyone who doesn't sing and dance at every opportunity is missing out on the joy of life.

I've lived in Egypt among Christians and Muslims, and we never had a conflict. Now you have a conflict between Christians and Muslims and Baha'is and Sunni and Shia.

Each step, each strain of the eye Opens out a new horizon; And every day throws in our way Something new, to grow more wise on.

The question I wanted to answer was, could I train my mind to be happy the same way one trains ones body?

Words are much better at relating emotions and thoughts.