Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

It is not sufficient for artistic expressions to serve as "signposts declaring what it is to be fully human." They should impart a vision of what it can be to become divine.

Passion gives power while attitude designs excellence! You can do it because you have the passion

Some people are boys longer than others.

We are really quite lucky this yeara because Christmas falls on Christmas Day

Artwork is super-important, that's why my videos are the way they are.

Every time I start feeling sexy I trip.

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.

I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong.

What sadness lengthens Romeo’s hours?