Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little

She could not be silent even if the men of science, many of them smug experts in white lab coats who promised “better living through chemistry, ” dismissed her warnings as feminine hysteria.

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say.

Dogs do know how comfortable you are with yourself, how happy you are, how fearful you are, and what is missing inside of you.

Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.

I'm always conscious of the fact that I am part of a profession that is 80% permanently unemployed. So, to be working in any sense is to be privileged.

All the freedom enjoyed in America, beyond what is enjoyed in England, is enjoyed solely by the disorderly at the expense of the orderly.

We'll start signing Negroes when the Harlem Globetrotters start signing whites.

Most of humanity gets by without reading novels or poetry, and no one would deny the richness of their thoughts.

There are good reasons for being obedient, but being unable to be disobedient is not one of the best reasons.