Never read the Bible as if it means something. Or at any rate don't try and mean it. Nor prayers. The liturgy is best treated and read as if it's someone announcing the departure of trains.

Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances. Sometimes it’s now or never.

Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key.

All knowledge is precious whether or not it serves the slightest human use.

History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.

A bookshelf is as particular to its owner as are his or her clothes; a personality is stamped on a library just as a shoe is shaped by the foot.

If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging.

The majority of people perform well in a crisis and when the spotlight is on them; it's on the Sunday afternoons of this life, when nobody is looking, that the spirit falters.

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

I saw someone peeing in Jermym Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply someone peeing in Jermyn Street?

Above literature?' said the Queen. 'Who is above literature? You might as well say one was above humanity.

Life IS a competition. ALWAYS. No matter whether any of us want it to be or not!

All rivers pay homage to the ocean for it lies lowest.

Believe me... I've made a career out of being the right thing in the wrong space and the wrong thing in the right space. That's one thing... I really do know about.

I played Little League for one year. That was it. Then my mother realized I liked books and threatened my father. I owe her forever for that.

Live in such a way that men may recognize that you have been with Jesus.

I was sixteen and equipped with the appropriate genitalia, so I cleared that hurdle nicely.

The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.

Symbols mean something and symbols often can spark hope and action in people particularly young people.

No idle word should be uttered. I understand a word to be idle when it serves no good purpose, either for myself or for another, and was not intended to do so.