Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

A couple of them were school beauty-queen pretty while a few were that more real-looking type. A realer kind of pretty.

These are the winter's people, he reminded himself. Tears froze upon your cheeks where they come from.

I always tell people that my primary job is being a dad and husband. Music is just what pays the bills.

Three generations from shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves.

Blame is a change-avoidance strategy.

Poetry is statement of a series of equations, with numbers and symbols changing like the changes of mirrors, pools, skies, the only never-changing sign being the sign of infinity.

People really love 'Madea' movies and get a kick out of them. They're phenomenally successful. People get excited when a new one's coming out.

My life is anything but typical.

I think cinema has this beautiful component. It's a universal language.

We have found, in our country, that when people have the right to make decisions as close to home as possible, they usually make the right decisions.