Never thank anybody for anything, except a drink of water in the desert -and then make it brief.

Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins.

Men are not against you, they are merely for themselves.

The best way to become a successful writer is to read good writing, remember it, and then forget where you remember it from.

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.

Every man should be allowed to love two cities, his own and San Francisco

A book is never finished; it's abandoned.

He has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled.

Sometimes I think my writing sounds like I walked out of the room and left the typewriter running.

News is history shot on the wing. The huntsmen from the Fourth Estate seek to bag only the peacock or the eagle of the swifting day.

What's next? You want to convince me they're making another crap Last Airbender movie?

A man's kiss is his signature.

Once you are over 30, 35 years old, I think everyone should get down to the gym and start moving again.

So many of the loveliest things in England are melancholy.

Let's just hope that all the world is run by Bill Gates before the Perl hackers can destroy it.

Like the truth, retirement can set you free. Or, like work, retirement can imprison you.

If I could do it over, I'd want to come up to the big leagues like Mike Trout. He's exciting and I like watching him.

Vampires have been romanticized, and this is bringing it right back to being vampiric. I think there's something sexy and raw about that.

Although motorcycle riding is romantic, motorcycle maintenance is purely classic.

Hurray! Congress is to adjourn! Only four more days of Congressional burglary on the Treasury!