Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

My one and only goal is to unite the world.

Are you planning to get married?' She finally asked. 'Like to someone in particular?' He shrugged. 'Aren't most marriages to someone in particular?

It's a funny things about human nature. Nobody ever wonders why they've got a healthy brother or a perfect kiddie. Anything goes wrong, though, we soon start why, oh why...

From generation to generation, America should never be the same country.

Even bees, the little almsmen of spring bowers, know there is richest juice in poison-flowers.

Eeew, I'd be a little uncomfortable Googling myself. People sit there - and Google themselves? That's kind of weird.

What Facebook stands for in the world is giving people a voice and spreading ideas and rationalism.

There is no way a non-Jew could say what I did in 'The Holocaust Industry' without being labelled a Holocaust denier. I am labelled a Holocaust denier, too.

The news is staged, anticipated, reported, analyzed until all interest is wrung from it and abandoned for some new novelty.

I, too, saw God through mud