Never trust machinery more complicated than a knife and fork.

If a grasshopper tries to fight a lawnmower, one may admire his courage but not his judgement.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

I never learned from a man who agreed with me.

A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future.

Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.

May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.

The holes in my boots and the holes in my jeans make me whole!

This world owes us nothing. Existence is not indebted to us. Humanity lives under this misconception that we deserve life’s blessings, that we deserve happiness. But in truth, life owes us nothing

The slow pace of our perfection has to be borne with patience, provided that on our part we always do whatever we can to continue advancing.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

The weight of a fabric is inconsequential, since seasonal dressing is all about layering.

It may be glorious to write Thoughts that shall glad the two or three High souls, like those far stars that come in sight Once in a century.

Nothing is more common than for men to think that because they are familiar with words they understand the ideas they stand for.

Since China has a population of 1.1 billion, it won't feel lonely even if it becomes the only socialist country.

I do not love him because he is good, but because he is my child.

That will to love is very powerful. But it doesn't always win.