Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

It is not that you give birth to a child that matters most. Rather, it is what you birth into them.

You have riches and freedom here but I feel no sense of faith or direction. You have so many computers, why don't you use them in the search for love?

Whenever you see a toad jumping in broad daylight, then know that something is after its life.

ALEC is one great organization, I think, for growing future political leaders.

Conversation should be like juggling; up go the balls and plates, up and over, in and out, good solid objects that glitter in the footlights and fall with a bang if you miss them.

The greatest justice in life is that your vision and looks tend to go simultaneously.

For us humans, everything is permanent - until it changes, as we are immortal until we die

We can't laugh quite as much on camera, but we sure do on the set.

I can always remember standing up to the baddest girls in my elementary school. Wherever I went, there was always a mean girl, and that girl would always hate me because I wouldn’t bow down.

Politics is not left, right or center ... It's about improving people's lives.