Never wait for your muse. Train him/her to show up to work when you do by pushing on. It's a dominant submission thing.

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.

You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner?” I shrugged. “I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something.

I watched him carefully. He was making art because he has to, and because he's brave enough to try and make contact, right there on the edge of madness, where he dreams.

You can manage your life by only your time

Abstraction allows man to see with his mind what he cannot see physically with his eyes.

Here is the one truth you know for sure: there is no truth for sure.

Greatness is not manifested by unlimited pragmatism, which places such a high premium on the end justifying any means and any methods

Flattery is the infantry of negotiation.

The physical part of comedy is as hard as a lot of action movies. It scares me, but in a way that I like.

Prayer is not about changing God, but being willing to let God change us.

You won't change things unless you are prepared to fight, even if you don't win. But I do hate losing.