New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

You can have everything you want if you can put your heart and soul into everything you do.

Everything is aimed at producing joy in God’s people

It was only much later that he was made flesh and blood [in the Gospels] on paper. Thus Christ was created as a literary creation.

It was time for me to make my stand

If you have to think about relaxing, are you really relaxing?

In football, side netting can sometimes look like a real goal and it can make spectators jubilate for a moment, and then ponder! So is life!

Politics, as any observer of the modern world knows, is the enemy of economics, everywhere and always.

Pundits forecast not because they know, but because they are asked.

I always wanted, and still aspire, to be something more than just one thing, just one performance.

First come the innovators, then come the imitators, then come the idiots.