New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Self-knowledge is the great power by which we comprehend and control our lives

It's nice to walk into a club and see your picture. Then you know you've done something good.

I don't think about winning the Masters as part of the slam. You want to win the Masters because of what it means to the game.

Even the roughest character, underneath all that hurt, is someone who wants to love and be loved.

Wear down to be renewed.

You know what freaks me out? Having your personal life live-tweeted so that everyone can make fun of you forever.

I think Hillary Clinton is vulnerable, she is not liked, she is not overwhelmingly popular.

Desmond O'Grady is one of the senior figures in Irish Literary life, exemplary in the way he has committed himself over the decades to the vocation of poetry and has lived selflessly for the art

Leaders do stuff that matters.

Everybody has their 15 minutes, and those 15 minutes should be spent in a private limo and a private plane. It's the ultimate.