New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

... back then the sky seemed so vast. And now the sky above me... is low, and narrow, and heavy.

Remember, 'No one's more important than people'! In other words, friendship is the most important thing--not career or housework, or one's fatigue--and it needs to be tended and nurtured.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by

I should have been conceived during Woodstock

To write a story, I think you really have to open yourself up to the world.

Especially when you deal with comedy, you have got to be really honest because it's the honesty and the spontaneity that causes people to chuckle, that catches people.

I know people have embraced Donald Trump. He may not have embraced them. But he has every - he should distance himself. This sort of alt-right movement is very disturbing.

Playing football is very simple, but playing simple football is the hardest thing there is.

When I'm writing a song, it gives me more actual pleasure to hear someone else sing it than do it meself.

Shape I may take, converse I may, but neither god nor Buddha am I, rather an insensate being whose heart thus differs from that of man.