New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Sometimes an outside perspective is the clearer perspective.

Life kisses our faces every morning. Yet, between morning and evening, she laughs at our sorrows.

Sometimes the issue isn't that your problems are so big, it's that you see yourself as being so small.

If you are a winner by the judgements of few judges and not by your performance, you are not a real winner.

I respect the view of a rating agency, but I do not make a budget for the rating agency. I make a budget for the people of India.

I love the voice - it’s the most perfect instrument ever heard. It’s God given.

We are always learning from each others. Only when we merge inside God would we stop learning. We will understand more as we teach others, so we rely on teaching in order to learn for ourselves.

As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit - and parking as close to the stadium as possible.

Life had stepped into the place of theory.

Can you measure it? Can you express it in figures? Can you make a model of it? If not, your theory is apt to be based more upon imagination than upon knowledge.