Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

Matriarchy is a time-honored staple for any writer looking to invent an exotic society.

I always consider every place worth exploring once- just in case there's a thirty foot flaming sign divulging the secret of life, that no one has told me about.

Don't just think, ACT!

A gentleman need not know Latin, but he should at least have forgotten it.

Don't tell me what you value. Show me your budget and I'll tell you what you value.

Britney and I wore matching denim outfits [to the 2001 American Music Awards]. Yeah, another bad choice. I'd probably pay good money to get some of those pictures off the internet.

My mom was a frustrated woman, like so many unhappy women who didn't get the opportunities they wanted.

I like to write music that I feel like I would listen to. It's like my interpretation of what I want to hear.

You're dealing immense, acute amounts of fear, which makes the rest of life a little bit easier. You don't sweat the small stuff so much.

I went to see the film with a regular audience for the first time on Sunday, and was basically swamped.