Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this space regularly.

It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,' but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.

A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.

The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.

Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.

For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else's chest.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.

God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.

Reagan's approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.

There are some values that you should never compromise on to stay true to yourself

People say things are going to be Hell without even the slightest notion of what Hell is.

Some people should never be told truth. Their stomachs are not mature enough for that type of food

Get yourself a notebook and write in it EVERY night for two weeks. Then stop if you can. If you can't, you're a writer.

Me and my dog are best friends.

Successful people are not people without problems. They are people who have learned to solve their problems.

What kind of living will it be when you - Oh, God! Would you like to live with your soul in the grave?

There has been studies looking at like musical talent and it shows that there is actually a really large genetic component involved.

On an emotional level, I don't want to be a guide. I want people to hear things and experience them their own way.

I'm saying 9/11 was to get us into Iraq and get us into Afghanistan.