Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Our common country is in great peril, demanding the loftiest views, and boldest action to bring it speedy relief.

Magic is never totally scientifically explainable, but science has always been, at one time or another, considered magic.

I don't quite hear what you say, but I beg to differ entirely with you.

When people are rude to other people. When people belittle other people. Bullies really bother me a lot. A lot, a lot.

The single raindrop never feels responsible for the flood.

The most important factor for the development of the individual is the structure and the values of the society into which he was born.

Reading with my children is incredibly important to me and a wonderful way to spend time together as a family, exploring magical worlds through books and stories.

You cannot impart what you do not possess.

Are we not to pity and supply the poor, though they have no relation to us? No relation? That cannot be. The Gospel styles them all our brethren.

I'm not one of those people the tabloids chase around.