Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

...things can happen when you least expect them so you always gotta be prepared. And pay attention to the details. The devil is in the details.

I would be the best of us, the highest of the lows.

The Cause that caused a Fear need not appear again. There for not fear about Fear.

It is hard to create a first-person narrator that can be a child and yet is able to take in enough information for the narrative to be legible to the reader.

The artist as citizen is here to stay.

The world is not the illusion. It's you who are the illusion.

I am so thankful and appreciative of being a part of this franchise and playing in front of the best fans in the NFL. I will be back.

I don't think anybody is anybody else's moral compass.

It seems like as soon as you have written something, it dictates a story. So I need to be careful.

Actually, I defend the right to free abortion.