Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I mostly drink clear booze because the rest of it looks it's already been through a gentleman.

I do all kind of fun things when I'm unconscious.

Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.

Nowadays, photographers start out with ideas, and their photos become the expression of an idea. To my way of thinking, a photo should not depend on ideas, should go beyond ideas.

In a society of ideological believers, nothing is more ridiculous than the individual who doubts and does not conform.

Perpetual optimism is annoying. It is a sign that you are not paying attention.

Play hard, play smart, play together, have fun.

It's the greatest show on earth. It's unbelievable.

We are not here for the sake of possessions, or of power. Or of happiness, but we are here to transfigure the divine out of human spirit.

To an artist, creating an image means being in love with it.